In Memory of my Ever loving Daddy~

I know I haven't been updating this blog of mine. Many things have happened since my last post.

My previous relationship of many years have become a past now. I stepped into a new job in my life and while I was still trying to really to piece the jigsaw puzzles in my new phase in life...my dearest man in my life left me - My Dad.

 

(Me and my most beloved Lao Dou!)

During of my dance performances...

During one of the CNYs~

My 21st Birthday...

My 24th Birthday~

My 26th Birthday!

My 27th Birthday~

My convo...

Love~

His leaving was totally a sudden and unprepared one. It was indeed traumatizing and that immediate period of time was really excruciating and heart breaking for me. Fortunately I had support from many of my friends and who cared enough to take precious time off their work and life to care for me.

It's almost 6 months since Daddy left me. I'm really fortunate to be blessed with people who loved and cared for me during this period of time. But as much as I tried really hard to move on with my life, every now and then, I still think of him and miss his presence so much. I've always loved him even when he was around and having him leave me was really the last thing I ever want. He really meant so much in my life. He was the only one who can control my temper and he was the only one who truly treated me like his princess.

Never could I have imagined that the Chinese New Year last year would be our last one together. Every CNY, I had him together with my family. He was an awesome chef and reunion dinner was always made perfect by his lovely soup base, his hand made Hakka meatballs and many other delicacies that he would cook us through out the days of CNY. Heading down to Dua Pei (my dad's elder brother) 药材店 to visit them with my Dad and mum every CNY eve before reunion dinner was a memorable part by itself. At reunion dinner at home, we would spend so much time chit chatting and enjoying the awesome spread.

Reunion dinner steamboat!

Daddy's specialty - Hakka Meatball...I will definitely miss...:(

Hand made Ngor Hiong by Dad and Mum~

1st day of CNY, Daddy would cook many dishes so when we wake up, we get to eat well. I remember just the CNY last year, I especially took many pictures of dishes cooked by Daddy. I don't know why I did that. I just felt I should to keep a memory of Daddy's cookings. It was as if I was afraid I might never taste it again.

The "Suan" that Daddy cook every CNY is always the tastiest!

All these dishes I will miss forever~

This year's CNY, while many of the songs and decorations might be popping out in the streets and on television, I tear whenever I think of how different things will be. I really miss having Daddy at home. I miss seeing him walking around the house and I miss calling him on the phone and hearing his voice. I miss waking up every morning and being able to see him and to say goodbye to him before I start my work day. I miss his cooking and I miss how he would finish up my Sunday brunch whenever I can't finish them. I miss how he would always try to show his love and concern whenever I get home grouchy from work. He would cut me fruits and make tea to my room just so to make sure I'm alright whenever I went straight to my room after dinner. And I remember how he hugged me when I felt devastated from my breakup. He loved me enough to send/pick me up whenever I want to go...no matter what time it was. And he would listen to my work happenings every morning when he sends me to work.It didn't matter to him that he had to spend the whole Sunday preparing for dinner just as long as the whole family enjoys dinner whipped up by him. I always loved his cooking...very much.

Today, Mummy went to the market with my uncle and brought a pack of noodles back for me. When I woke up and saw the pack of noodles, it was as though in the past when Mummy and Daddy would buy a pack for me on a Sunday. The same thing was I couldn't finish the pack of Beehoon, but the difference...was I suddenly realized Daddy wasn't around to finish it for me any more.

I find myself sometimes still not accepting the truth fully. Sometimes I would see the car parked outside the house thinking he's home, when in fact, I myself actually parked the car out there earlier on. And sometimes whenever I reach home late, I would still wonder to myself if Daddy is still awake and watching TV at the living room waiting for my return.

This past 1 year has been really torturing for me. And I start to realise how life really can change when one grows up. I'm not young like before...but with Daddy around, I could always feel like a little girl...his Baobei he would call me. But after Daddy left, I start to feel the difference. Trying to be stronger...force myself to pick up driving again so I can send my Mummy to market and work. Try as much as I can to learn cooking so my family can still enjoy food like before when Daddy was around. Learn to take care of myself now that Daddy is no longer around.

I've been trying hard...and amongst all the things I'm trying...nothing can be harder then trying to stop missing Daddy. I wish to dream of him every night I go to bed and I hope to still see him again.  So to my beloved Daddy:

"Daddy...my dearest Man of my life, I really wish you know...you are the best Daddy I could ever wish for. I'm sorry I couldn't succeed earlier in life to let you enjoy your life more. And I know you worry about my love life after seeing all my tears. I promise I will find myself a life partner who will love me just like how u loved me...and treat me like his very own princess just like how u treated me. And I will always miss you...no matter how long down the road I walk...I will always remember you.

Your most beloved baobei
Wendy "

my Charity: Water - Join my "For the Christmas to come" campaign now!

(myCharity:Water)

I sat at my study desk, in my room, on a Sunday night, drinking a glass of water. And I came across myCharity:Water. I watched a video, that made a reality (which we all probably knew for sooo long) set in me with much guilt. Guilt that came to me because I suddenly realised how little I have done.

I shopped every week, getting new clothes and skincares for my own use, to doll myself up. I went for dinners with my girl-friends every week and I go for facials, massages etc. All being said, but while I did all that, millions and even billions of people out there had to dig for muddy water that made them sick, just so they could quench their thirst. They walk miles and miles just to carry some dirty water so they could live.

(Can u imagine making some milk for your baby in soiled dirty water??)

So I wish I can help...what I have may be limited...but if you (who's reading this), are willing to hold hands with me to support this campaign I'm gonna start, then maybe we can provide someone out there clean water to drink!

My Charity: Water Campaign (I name it) -- For the Christmas to come

We all get so excited wanting to plan ourselves the best Christmas party we want, but shall we make it a little more meaningful this time? Join me, because if we can hit the small goal I set of USD 5000, it just might be enough for a well to be built, a well that can serve a whole village with clean water. It might sound quite a sum, but if all of us can give a little, maybe...maybe we can do it!

(Watch the Video now!)

You might know me as a friend, you might know me as just a blogger, you might be a complete stranger, but if you are willing, may I ask that we join hands together to make our Christmas a little more special this year...to be able to know that this Christmas, while we're partying with our loved ones, some families out there will be celebrating their Christmas more then ever before because they will have clean water to drink!

It's going to be a 3 months campaign with just 92 days left!!!

So will you join me in this campaign...for the Christmas to come! A Real meaningful Christmas awaits! If your answer is "YES I wanna help someone drink some clean water!", click on the link now! http://mycharitywater.org/BellaVida-pursuit

Together, a well shall be built and more people can have clean water to drink!! (^.^)

Goodbye to Uncle Sunny~

(The mourning of a wonderful man)

18th June 2010 marks the last day of my beloved Uncle Sunny life journey. I woke up in the morning for work as usual, only to receive the news from my mum that one of her dear brothers had passed away due to a sudden heart attack while we were all asleep.

My whole family was left stunned, speechless and having great difficulty in believing that it happened. I was, to be frank, kinda affected. This is especially so since I see Uncle Sunny as my closest uncle among the many relatives I have. I remember my feets being grounded to the patch of floor just outside my bedroom for about 5-10 mins as I listen to my mum tell me how Uncle Sunny left his family and us so suddenly. No history of heart attack known to us previously made it even harder a fact to accept.

He was the one who carried and hugged me when I was a small little girl. He was the one who came to my birthday party with a present I'm still wearing every single day. He was the one who never fail to come over to our house during Chinese New Year every year. And he is the one who treated everyone so friendly and nice.

I was having a dilemma yesterday. To take a day off to grieve about the lost, or to carry on with my plans for the day so I will not keep thinking about it. I tried choosing the latter, by staying at work throughout the day and by going out with my gfs for dinner and a drink at night. And I thought I suppressed it all well and good, but only to realise how i burst into tears as I saw Dar when I went over to Dar's house after the night out.

It must be really hard on his family, to lose a loving husband and a caring father. Frankly speaking, I still dun understand why a kind man like my uncle have to leave so early in his life. He was only in his 40s, at the peak of his career with a nice family. It's a pain to all of us to see this wonderful man leave...

*To Uncle Sunny: You will be greatly missed!

But with this goodbye to someone so dear, I start to also see how life is so fragile and vulnerable. People always get all calculative about a whole load of things in life. But if one day our today becomes a sudden last page of our lives, would you have done all you could have done? Would you regret not saying more "Thank you"s and "I love you"s to all the friends and family who mattered to your life? Would you have lived your life knowing you enjoyed the moments and is satisfied with it?

I think I need some time alone to really think through. But for a start:

To my Daddy, Mummy and Brother: I love you and Thank you!
To Dar: I love you and Thank you!
To my bestie girl friends (you know who you are): I love you and Thank you!

Looking back and Moving forward~

(That's gonna be me soon..no more running about but just totally desk-bounded! =p)

Today marked my last day in Deloitte and Touche LLP, a company where I've started my career upon graduation since 2007. Everything was unsure as a fresh graduate back then, and I recall how all of my fellow colleagues, still so young and energetic, went for our core training as well as our very first audit engagement!

In just a blink of eye, 2 years plus have passed and I got promoted to Audit Senior. While there has been some unhappiness (mainly due to sucky managers, who fortunately have left the firm for good and so wun be torturing my colleagues), most of the time has been enjoyable, particularly so because I had a very awesome batch of colleagues! And it gets tough to just turn away and leave without wanting any feelings attached cos' bonds have been built and I just totally enjoy their company! Cos' we lunch, we drink and we laugh together! All that coffee-breaks I'll definitely miss too!! No more off-peak parties together, no more AGM together, no more annual GFSI gatherings in future...but I just hope the friendship will go on...

So here I am, after much reminisces, I shall make full use of the upcoming 1 week plus to rest, to recharge, and to prepare myself for the next job! There will definitely be unease and worries, but I guess these are just part and parcel of life as we go through career moves in our lives!

And I remember starting this blog because I wanted to jot down every single step of my Pursuit of my very own life's beauty! So here's to another step! A significant step for me...and I pray it'll be good! So to start off this step, Bella has decided to go on a short trip to Bangkok soon and may all things start great after I'm back from my trip next week with April babe and Lynette!

Meanwhile guys, pray for me that everything's gonna go well for my new job and will indeed be a right career move taken! And till then, I am so gonna spend my days playing and resting! Huhoo~~~~~ (^^)

P.S Peckture credited to api.ning

Bella's not at peace~

No pics to add on, no nice entertaining stuff involved but just a small post to rant all my frustrations and mixed feelings!

I'm feeling LOST! I mean like really LOST! I've been waiting for like the longest time for things to happen like they promise to, but after 1 month...2 months...and the 3rd month is passing away soon now...and things are still not coming to pass.

I feel unease and frustrated cos' it was not something I am in control of. I hate it when things are not within my control! There isn't any ways or means I can attempt to do to make it happen and take my daily frustrations and impatience away!

Everyone around me is asking me to just hang in there and wait...and that it will definitely happen if I wait! But God can you help to shorten this waiting time cos' it's really killing me. It kills my smile in the day cos' I'm too frustrated with it to even smile...it makes me lose focus and it is taking at least the 1st hour of my sleep when I lie on my bed cos' I just can't help but think about it! Dear God...please help me out here!! (-.-)

P.S: You may not understand what I'm trying to say...but I guess I do feel a tinnie winnie bit better after all this ranting~

Gotta get back to work now~ Let's pray that time will pass faster today cos' I'm really not at my best self to work~

Bella bid farewell to Alice Jie Jie~

*Alice Jie Jie* I used to always greet her...cos she's just like a sister to me...always so young and pretty...

She was one who helped speak up for me when my mum use to reprimand me...
She was one who helped speak up for me when my mum refused to let me go out and work cos' she wanted me to stay in her shop to help out when I was younger...
She was one who talk to me at times when I'm upset...
She was one who laughed and joked with me despite the 20 years of age difference...
She was also the one who held my grip of fear when I had my first ear piercing...
She taught me many things...

I miss her crappish talk with me...
I miss her beautiful laugh...
and I miss her many a times intelligent talk...

I used to even stay over at her house...
I secretly longed to go to my mum's shop when I was younger so I can joke with her...

But with a phone call yesterday evening...
She left...
No more Alice Jie Jie for me...
The shocking news shook me...
I cried with Dar by my side...
Flashes of her face ran passed my mind...
I couldn't believe it's true...

How can she leave just like that...
I ache in my heart how a lovely lady like her can go in such a state...
I only wish time could turn back to when I have her beside me teasing me...
I really miss her...

To Alice Jie Jie:
Farewell...you're free from all the sufferings now...Rest in peace!
You'll always be a part of my childhood memory...the forever beautiful lady...I heart you lots...

Imbalanced Freak

I wear a mask every day
I live in a world no one knows
Hidden feelings and emotions is what I carry in loads daily
Depression is creeping in slowly
cos' I'm just an imbalanced bitch
Hiding to myself

I've no one to share
and while friends claim they're there
I wouldn't say anymore
I drag myself to work daily
cos' the sun shines no more in my life

There's always a cause and trigger point to all things in life
Yes I know
That was it
But trapped in a pit even I myself refuse to get out
Who else can help?

And the saddest thing comes when the only one who could help
Is turning away for his own pursuit of life

What is love today?
It's worth only in times of joy if not fake smiles
No more braving of storms I tell 'ya
I'm getting closed up once again
In this shit I land myself cos I trusted too much.

Now I probably convince u I'm an imbalanced freak
cos' you can never share my sentiments
I'm just a weirdo of her own world

I've missed out on so much..i just realised..or did I?

Bella was having her dinner with her family tonight, and despite the sumptuous spread that was presented before her very eyes, and despite the fact that her stomach was screaming and shouting out for food, Bella felt lost in her inner soul.

Have you ever had your shoulder brush through the air and through every single person passing by you everyday, but with no thoughts or emotions shared with your surrounding? You live your day but at the very end of it all, you probably didn't live it at all. I'm starting to feel that way somehow.

Once you thought I've got everything I ever wanted. A job to accompany and signify somehow that I've stepped into adulthood. A love that somehow made me feel like I've reached the gist of how matured love feels like and that I need not worry about insecurity anymore. A grown-up self that I felt comfortable enough to live in for my everyday life. A family that I know I still can rely on. Friends whom I can find no faults in for they are forever sweet and loving. But *Crank* and hell something might just struck you like it did to me tonight, this very evening as I sat by the round dining table. No special big shot giving me talks about how life should be, or any reflecting session going on in any big event. A revelation? Hmm I don't know about that but maybe. Recently Bella seem to not be in her right self, and definitely not in a well-balanced state. Losing her mind? Probably. When was the last time I felt so at peace? I can't remember anymore. I don't remember when was the last time I felt secured and assured of my life ahead. What's causing this? I guess perhaps God gave the answer to Bella there and then somehow, if only she listened. The key word to listening? Attentive.

She wouldn't say further for it might cause more imbalance in her. But she knows for sure...she missed out on so much in her life. To miss out even more or to go for it? She holds no answers at this moment (though the answer is just smacked right before her door-front).

A most irresponsible answers presents - "Oh whatever!". Blame her? She learnt one thing that maybe she could use to shield herself a little this time round..Whatever.

Can't afford to say much...

I know some of my readers are still worrying about me...wondering how I really am doing now...but Bella really dunno where to start also. I can only say Bella feels she lost love..and this song describes all I wan to say to the one I love...especially the english interpretation..every statement. If you happen to stop by..and still care enough..I wish you can follow and listen what I have to say..at least once..

不想懂得 - 張韶涵
Bu Xiang Dong De – Zhang Shao Han
Don’t Want to Understand – Angela Chang


当世界 不知不觉的变了
Dang shi jie bu zhi bu jue de bian le
When the world changed unknowingly

有时候 我怀念以前的我
You shi hou wo huai nian yi qian de wo
Sometimes I miss the way I used to be

作的梦 虽然远远的
Zuo de meng sui ran yuan yuan de
Even though my dreams are far fetched

想像是 一种快乐
Xiang xiang shi yi zhong kuai le
Just thinking about it is a kind of happiness


拥有了 同时也失去什麼
Yong you le tong shi ye shi qu shen me
After gaining something, what have I lost at the same time?

而眷恋 原来会带来软弱
Er juan lian yuan lai hui dai lai ruan ruo
And longing for love will actually bring out my weakness

你让我在雾里成熟
Ni rang wo zai wu li cheng shu
You’ve allowed me to grow up in the mist

心开始曲折
Xin kai shi qu zhe
My hearts starts to feel complicated


我不想舍得 不想懂得
Wo bu xiang she de bu xiang dong de
I don’t want to let go, I don’t want to understand

是谁惹谁 言不由衷
Shi shui re shui yan bu you zhong
Regardless of who provoked who, we didn’t mean it in our words

说谎伤害 都是不安犯的错
Shuo huang shang hai dou shi bu an fan de cuo
Hurting each other with lies, is all due to our feeling of insecurity

怕抱不紧什麼
Pa bao bu jin shen me
Because we are afraid of not being able to grasp something


我不想舍得 不想懂得
Wo bu xiang she de bu xiang dong de
I don’t want to let go, I don’t want to understand

谁说割爱 才更深刻
Shui shuo ge ai cai geng shen ke
Who said that giving up your love will be more memorable?

彼此依赖 是爱不是负荷
Bi ci yi lai shi ai bu shi fu he
Relying on each other is love not burden

互相照顾就是幸福的
Hu xiang zhao gu jiu shi xing fu de
Caring for each other is happiness.


当世界 不知不觉的变了
Dang shi jie bu zhi bu jue de bian le
When the world changed unknowingly

有时候 我怀念以前的我
You shi hou wo huai nian yi qian de wo
Sometimes I miss the way I used to be

作的梦 虽然远远的
Zuo de meng sui ran yuan yuan de
Even though my dreams are far fetched

想像是 一种快乐
Xiang xiang shi yi zhong kuai le
Just thinking about it is a kind of happiness


拥有了 同时也失去什麼
Yong you le tong shi ye shi qu shen me
After gaining something, what have I lost at the same time?

而眷恋 原来会带来软弱
Er juan lian yuan lai hui dai lai ruan ruo
And longing for love will actually bring out my weakness

你让我在雾里成熟
Ni rang wo zai wu li cheng shu
You’ve allowed me to grow up in the mist

心开始曲折
Xin kai shi qu zhe
My hearts starts to feel complicated


我不想舍得 不想懂得
Wo bu xiang she de bu xiang dong de
I don’t want to let go, I don’t want to understand

是谁惹谁 言不由衷
Shi shui re shui yan bu you zhong
Regardless of who provoked who, we didn’t mean it in our words

说谎伤害 都是不安犯的错
Shuo huang shang hai dou shi bu an fan de cuo
Hurting each other with lies, is all due to our feeling of insecurity

怕抱不紧什麼
Pa bao bu jin shen me
Because we are afraid of not being able to grasp something


我不想舍得 不想懂得
Wo bu xiang she de bu xiang dong de
I don’t want to let go, I don’t want to understand

谁说割爱 才更深刻
Shui shuo ge ai cai geng shen ke
Who said that giving up your love will be more memorable?

彼此依赖 是爱不是负荷
Bi ci yi lai shi ai bu shi fu he
Relying on each other is love not burden

能握著手就是 感动的
Neng wo zhe shou jiu shi gan dong de
Being able to hold our hands together is the most touching moment


我愿意
Wo yuan yi
I’m willing

一秒钟 放弃全宇宙
Yi miao zhong fang qi quan yi zhou
to give up the whole universe in one second

挤在只有我们
Ji zai zhi you wo men
and cuddle close together

紧靠的小星球
Jin kao de xiao xing qiu
on a small planet with only us.


我不想舍得 不想懂得
Wo bu xiang she de bu xiang dong de
I don’t want to let go, I don’t want to understand

是谁惹谁 言不由衷
Shi shui re shui yan bu you zhong
Regardless of who provoked who, we didn’t mean it in our words

说谎伤害 都是不安犯的错
Shuo huang shang hai dou shi bu an fan de cuo
Hurting each other with lies, is all due to our feeling of insecurity

怕抱不紧什麼
Pa bao bu jin shen me
Because we are afraid of not being able to grasp something


我多不舍得 多不懂得
Wo duo bu she de duo bu dong de
No matter how much I don’t want to let go, no matter how much I don’t understand

谁说割爱 才更深刻
Shui shuo ge ai cai geng shen ke
Who said that giving up your love will be more memorable?

彼此依赖 是爱不是负荷
Bi ci yi lai shi ai bu shi fu he
Relying on each other is love not burden

能握著手就是 感动的
Neng wo zhe shou jiu shi gan dong de
Being able to hold our hands together is the most touching moment


说谎伤害 都是不安犯的错
Shuo huang shang hai dou shi bu an fan de cuo
Hurting each other with lies, is all due to our feeling of insecurity

怕抱不紧什麼
Pa bao bu jin shen me
Because we are afraid of not being able to grasp something

我多不舍得 多不懂得
Wo duo bu she de duo bu dong de
No matter how much I don’t want to let go, no matter how much I don’t understand

谁说割爱 才更深刻
Shui shuo ge ai cai geng shen ke
Who said that giving up your love will be more memorable?

彼此依赖 是爱不是负荷
Bi ci yi lai shi ai bu shi fu he
Relying on each other is love not burden

能握著手就是 感动的
Neng wo zhe shou jiu shi gan dong de
Being able to hold our hands together is the most touching moment