I know I haven't been updating this blog of mine. Many things have happened since my last post.
My previous relationship of many years have become a past now. I stepped into a new job in my life and while I was still trying to really to piece the jigsaw puzzles in my new phase in life...my dearest man in my life left me - My Dad.
(Me and my most beloved Lao Dou!)
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| During of my dance performances... |
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| During one of the CNYs~ |
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| My 21st Birthday... |
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| My 24th Birthday~ |
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| My 26th Birthday! |
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| My 27th Birthday~ |
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| My convo... |
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| Love~ |
His leaving was totally a sudden and unprepared one. It was indeed traumatizing and that immediate period of time was really excruciating and heart breaking for me. Fortunately I had support from many of my friends and who cared enough to take precious time off their work and life to care for me.
It's almost 6 months since Daddy left me. I'm really fortunate to be blessed with people who loved and cared for me during this period of time. But as much as I tried really hard to move on with my life, every now and then, I still think of him and miss his presence so much. I've always loved him even when he was around and having him leave me was really the last thing I ever want. He really meant so much in my life. He was the only one who can control my temper and he was the only one who truly treated me like his princess.
Never could I have imagined that the Chinese New Year last year would be our last one together. Every CNY, I had him together with my family. He was an awesome chef and reunion dinner was always made perfect by his lovely soup base, his hand made Hakka meatballs and many other delicacies that he would cook us through out the days of CNY. Heading down to Dua Pei (my dad's elder brother) 药材店 to visit them with my Dad and mum every CNY eve before reunion dinner was a memorable part by itself. At reunion dinner at home, we would spend so much time chit chatting and enjoying the awesome spread.
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| Reunion dinner steamboat! |
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| Daddy's specialty - Hakka Meatball...I will definitely miss...:( |
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| Hand made Ngor Hiong by Dad and Mum~ |
1st day of CNY, Daddy would cook many dishes so when we wake up, we get to eat well. I remember just the CNY last year, I especially took many pictures of dishes cooked by Daddy. I don't know why I did that. I just felt I should to keep a memory of Daddy's cookings. It was as if I was afraid I might never taste it again.
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| The "Suan" that Daddy cook every CNY is always the tastiest! |
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| All these dishes I will miss forever~ |
This year's CNY, while many of the songs and decorations might be
popping out in the streets and on television, I tear whenever I think of
how different things will be. I really miss having Daddy at home. I
miss seeing him walking around the house and I miss calling him on the
phone and hearing his voice. I miss waking up every morning and being
able to see him and to say goodbye to him before I start my work day. I
miss his cooking and I miss how he would finish up my Sunday brunch
whenever I can't finish them. I miss how he would always try to show his
love and concern whenever I get home grouchy from work. He would cut me
fruits and make tea to my room just so to make sure I'm alright
whenever I went straight to my room after dinner. And I remember how he hugged me when I felt devastated from my breakup. He loved me enough to
send/pick me up whenever I want to go...no matter what time it was. And
he would listen to my work happenings every morning when he sends me to
work.It didn't matter to him that he had to spend the whole Sunday
preparing for dinner just as long as the whole family enjoys dinner
whipped up by him. I always loved his cooking...very much.
Today,
Mummy went to the market with my uncle and brought a pack of noodles
back for me. When I woke up and saw the pack of noodles, it was as
though in the past when Mummy and Daddy would buy a pack for me on a
Sunday. The same thing was I couldn't finish the pack of Beehoon, but
the difference...was I suddenly realized Daddy wasn't around to finish
it for me any more.
I find myself sometimes still not
accepting the truth fully. Sometimes I would see the car parked outside
the house thinking he's home, when in fact, I myself actually parked the
car out there earlier on. And sometimes whenever I reach home late, I
would still wonder to myself if Daddy is still awake and watching TV at
the living room waiting for my return.
This past 1 year
has been really torturing for me. And I start to realise how life
really can change when one grows up. I'm not young like before...but
with Daddy around, I could always feel like a little girl...his Baobei
he would call me. But after Daddy left, I start to feel the difference.
Trying to be stronger...force myself to pick up driving again so I can
send my Mummy to market and work. Try as much as I can to learn cooking
so my family can still enjoy food like before when Daddy was around. Learn
to take care of myself now that Daddy is no longer around.
I've been trying hard...and amongst all the things I'm trying...nothing can be harder then trying to stop missing Daddy. I wish to dream of him every night I go to bed and I hope to still see him again. So to my beloved Daddy:
"Daddy...my dearest Man of my life, I really wish you know...you are the best Daddy I could ever wish for. I'm sorry I couldn't succeed earlier in life to let you enjoy your life more. And I know you worry about my love life after seeing all my tears. I promise I will find myself a life partner who will love me just like how u loved me...and treat me like his very own princess just like how u treated me. And I will always miss you...no matter how long down the road I walk...I will always remember you.
Your most beloved baobei
Wendy "
