I've missed out on so much..i just realised..or did I?

Bella was having her dinner with her family tonight, and despite the sumptuous spread that was presented before her very eyes, and despite the fact that her stomach was screaming and shouting out for food, Bella felt lost in her inner soul.

Have you ever had your shoulder brush through the air and through every single person passing by you everyday, but with no thoughts or emotions shared with your surrounding? You live your day but at the very end of it all, you probably didn't live it at all. I'm starting to feel that way somehow.

Once you thought I've got everything I ever wanted. A job to accompany and signify somehow that I've stepped into adulthood. A love that somehow made me feel like I've reached the gist of how matured love feels like and that I need not worry about insecurity anymore. A grown-up self that I felt comfortable enough to live in for my everyday life. A family that I know I still can rely on. Friends whom I can find no faults in for they are forever sweet and loving. But *Crank* and hell something might just struck you like it did to me tonight, this very evening as I sat by the round dining table. No special big shot giving me talks about how life should be, or any reflecting session going on in any big event. A revelation? Hmm I don't know about that but maybe. Recently Bella seem to not be in her right self, and definitely not in a well-balanced state. Losing her mind? Probably. When was the last time I felt so at peace? I can't remember anymore. I don't remember when was the last time I felt secured and assured of my life ahead. What's causing this? I guess perhaps God gave the answer to Bella there and then somehow, if only she listened. The key word to listening? Attentive.

She wouldn't say further for it might cause more imbalance in her. But she knows for sure...she missed out on so much in her life. To miss out even more or to go for it? She holds no answers at this moment (though the answer is just smacked right before her door-front).

A most irresponsible answers presents - "Oh whatever!". Blame her? She learnt one thing that maybe she could use to shield herself a little this time round..Whatever.