Bella is heavy at heart...

Bella thought once again today was going to be my last day at this stupid engagement...with her!! But only to know I still have to be in tomorrow morning...I can only go back to office in the afternoon.

Bella have been feeling so sick since Sunday afternoon, with all the cramps and fever. My fever got worsen this afternoon. I reached client's place this morning, and the moment I open my laptop, I received a email stating all that I was expected to do. Never mind about that I thought to myself as long as I can finish my work maybe I can take urgent leave or MC tomorrow to rest coz I know my body is wearing out. So I rushed and did all that I could, and by the end of the day, of the long list given, only 1 was pending. And this 1 matter that is pending is simply due to the fact that I'm still waiting for client to provide me with some information before I can continue. I even helped with some other stuff with the waiting time. Then I told her (my senior) that I was thinking if nothing much is left and if it is okay for it to be outstanding since Finals is not v far away, I told her I might be taking urgent leave tomorrow. A face that shows/hint that I should not or cannot take urgent leave appeared. I just wanted to be prepared for my next job coz I don't want to have to fall even more sick in my next job, especially since I did manage to finish all that i could. Dar Dar kept asking me to go see doctor or take a day off when he knew I was suffering and trembling, but I just simply can't. =( Guess Dar Dar must be wondering why I so persistent to not go to the doctor. I can only say, I don't know how I can go...

I kept quiet about it eventually and continued to work. Nearing the end of the day, I could hold back no longer. I told her about my unhappiness in this job and my thoughts. Eventually she told me hers too. I guess after I told her how I felt, she already held hard feelings. But to me, my whole purpose of telling her is because I still have to spend the Finals audit with her. I shall not go into detail or remind myself of the things she said, but I only know I saw another face of a person whom almost all my colleagues find a nice person. Before I entered this job, many people say it should be an alright job since the senior is a nice person. I went into the job thinking so, but i left the interims with a totally different thought. A minute she can say "Oh I think you are very capable"..and the next minute after I feedback to her my thoughts, I wondered if she took it personally or what when she said "seriously I think the stuff I gave you are simple and little". Call the whole of P&L section and some B/S items in 3 days little? Tell me about it! I even tried asking myself if the problem is me coz it seems like all the others find her okie..she even asked one of my fellow colleagues in her job if he wants her to book him and do nothing and slack. But for me, even when I'm sick I can't take leave for a job I've finished like 99%. Thus, this is the reason why I said I have managed to see a "so-called nice person in many people's eyes" to turn to someone I don't see from their descriptions when she is stressed. I don't mind helping (though I guess she most probably see it that I don't want to help the moment I told her about my thoughts), but at least given adequate time and with appreciation. Afterall, I'm helping someone getting a much higher pay then me and all I get in return is "It's easy stuff" and not be appreciated that me as an assistant has gone an extra mile. Forget about any Thank You stuff but at least save the sarcastic wordings too. That will help!

Anyway, I decided to leave early today coz I've seriously finished all that I could do. Thank God I have Dar Dar to wait for me to go home with me. At least seeing him makes me feel so much better. I had lunchie with Dar Dar today too. We both were not feeling well so I suggested we have some soup for lunch (easy digestion might help). So, we went to The Soup Spoon. After lunch, I bought some stuff and we headed back to work. I feel so tired and uncomfortable after lunchie..was having fever and trembling away..but work carries on..

(My Velvety Mushroom and Dar Dar had Clam chowder soup)

(Dar Dar's Mushroom Pesto sandwich and my Smoked Salmon - end up I had Dar's while he ate mine!LOL...)



(here's me trying to smile to the mirror after the very upsetting talk..not very successful though!)

Bella wishes to apologise to my readers coz recently Bella's getting a little more grumpy due to work. But this is like one of my very few channels to pour out my woes. After all, I don't intend to bring up this unhappy encounter with anyone in office since all of them have such a wonderful impression of her. However, I know some of the colleagues do visit my blog, so hope you guys can just keep it to yourself and not mention it in office. In anyway, hope you guys understand I'm already vexed enough having such a bad relationship with her and I don't wish to have to talk about her anymore once I'm outta the job. I seriously don't care much about the appraisal she's gonna give (coz I know it wouldn't be anything fantastic when it comes out of sourness), I just want to get the job over and done with. Pray for me my readers...I need to regain my smile again. And it's not just about regaining my smile for the short period I see my Dar Dar, but to be able to smile when I'm working. I used to, and I miss it. I really do...

my mixed feelings...

Who am I? How am I like? Am I really not doing enough? Or rather am I really doing too little? I haven been blogging for the past few days coz I know I needed to think more...more issues have to be solved within me...and around me.

Friday was supposed to be my last day at an audit engagement interims, but it also happened to be my mum's birthday. Through out that whole day, I really rushed like mad to clear my allocated work...but only to find my senior giving me more and more work, moreover giving me an impression that I have to finish it before I leave. I would dare to say after much reflection that I did allocate and planned my work to ensure that I can finish my allocated stuff on time before I pulled out from my interims work, but how can she just keep adding new things and yet make it seem like it's so reasonable to hand it in on time? I kept quiet though I was brewing deep within me. My limit was extended further when even filing a piece of paper and photocopying a piece of document was pushed to me when I was in the midst of rushing the added work from her. I know I have to do it coz she's my senior..but is opening the file that is just right in front of her to file in a piece of paper so hard (esp when I've already punched holes for it, ref-ed it and even stick reinforcement rings on it)? I took it over silently and beared with all these nitty gritty things that was so within her ability to do.

(The sunny weather on Friday and Dar Dar cheered my day for me to move on)

Especially the end of the day, when I admit that I got anxious coz I know my mum is the type who really thinks her birthday is the biggest event of the world and I had to be there. And my senior came off with a statement and say "Why not you just go. Anyway I don't think you can do anything like this!" I flared up in me. What sarcasm! And she made it sound so great that it's so my fault that I can't finish my work. I hid everything inside of me and called my next engagement senior asking if I could start my job on Tuesday instead. He agreed and I then told my senior that I'll be back on Monday to clear everything. With all these pressure going on, imagine my Dad and Brother calling me asking if I'm on my way. If only the whole world can stop rushing me, it would help so much!

I met up with Dar Dar and we took a train together down to where my family agreed to celebrate my mum's birthday at. In the train, thoughts ran in my mind asking why I have to slog so hard and let my mum or even my senior take it so for granted that I owed them everything I have fought so hard to give. When we reached YCK MRT station, I walked to the seats at the MRT station instead of heading to the restaurant immediately, simply coz I know I can't hold back anymore. I broke down there and then in public, in an MRT station. Dar Dar just sat beside me in silence while I cried and cried. I could no longer hold back all the stress in me though I have been holding back for quite some time. In the end, we walked to the restaurant after another call from my Mum asking if we're reaching. I reached there with my sore and red eyes. I drank quite a bit that night, didn't eat much. Dar Dar spent the night with me. Though he is always silent and never give much comforting words, I guess it's the best I can get. At times I get angry coz girls always need comfort from the one they love but for me, I don't get much of comforting words. So I will tell myself at least I have his shoulder and hug to rely on. I know I have to try my best to be understanding coz I know he just isn't used to saying comforting words. I just hope he tries, like how he tries to comfort his friends at times.

(The dishes ordered for the night)

(My personal wine collection. Dar didn't drink much, here's the comparison after I down more than half a bottle of it after some beer in the restaurant)

We slept til late into Saturday before we headed to Vivocity for the movie "The Leap Years". I know we watched it much later coz the leap year has already passed us about half a month ago. But nevertheless, I'm glad I managed to watch it. I cried a lot in the cinema. After the movies, Dar Dar and me went to meet Dar Dar's Daddy for dinner. It's been so long since we had Dinner together. I enjoyed the dinner though the thoughts of the opening lines continued to show up in my mind. I just didn't say much about it to Dar Dar. After all, he might feel helpless if I do say to him coz then he wouldn't know what to say also.

(Waiting for train to come...)

("The Leap Years" Movie_a must watch!)

(At the restaurant)

I spent the whole Sunday today at home. Not feeling v good coz my backache is back, am having slight fever and my abdominal is giving me cramps too. Just keeping my fingers crossed that I'll recover and be able to finish up all my work before I pull out tomorrow. Pray hard for me.

Twist of emotions...

These few days the weather in Singapore is really bad for working people...why? Because it not only makes us feel miserable while working (coz we can't sleep on our comfy bed in the cool weather), but it also makes going out to lunch or simply traveling around to client's place inconvenient.

I was literally rushing around like a mad woman this morning. I first went to work with Dar Dar and after seeing him to work and taking my laptop bag, I rushed back to office to get some admin work done. By the time I reach office it was already around 925am and I was suppose to have a statutory audit at PWC building at 10am. I don't even have time for my sandwich breakfast so I only munched a few bites in office and then rushed off to PWC building. Around 11 plus, I rushed down with all the barang barang in my hands and took a cab down to client's place at OCBC centre. Phew! Time really pass fast for me today and even before I got to warm my seat, Dar Dar messaged me to ask what time I'm meeting him for lunch. So anyway we met at around 12pm and went to the Parklane wan-ton noodles stall at the stretch of eateries behind boat quay. We didn't hang out long for lunch today coz Dar Dar say we should go back to office earlier to finish up our work so that we can leave earlier. So, we only went to coffee and toast to get myself a cuppa teh-o with lemon (take-away)! A nice company to have in the cold weather. It was then back to work for both of us! When I went back to client place, even most of the staff were still out for lunch!

(_The rainy weather_)

(We want our food!!Brrr)



(This is my favourite You tiao with fish paste!!Goodie!!)

Time zoomed passed me as I worked through the afternoon. There was too much to be done and time was really never enough. I didn't even realise evening had approached me. As I wanted to go to Chinatown area with F4 to ask about the holiday packages at the various travel agencies, I requested to leave early today. I was told however, to ensure that I can finish and hand up my work by tomorrow (since I'm pulling out from my interims work for this job tomorrow). So I rushed like mad today before I left, and this also means it's gonna be a hectic and busy day for me tomorrow too! Wish me luck! =p

(I'm just bored in the Ladies_it's actually not stinko like what I made it appear to be =p)

Anyway, Dar Dar and me then went over to Chinatown to meet up F4 to head to People's Park Centre where all the travel agencies are concentrated in. We tried our luck at quite a few agencies but the prices provided was not within our expectation. Hence, F4 as well as my July Hong Kong group decided it might be better to book the air-tics and accommodation on our own. Along the way as we headed to Plaza Singapura for our Ajisen dinner, the atmosphere surrounding F4 seem to turn tense-up. But we carried on with our dinner plan nevertheless.

(The Volcano Ramen poster vs the Real thing_Yummy!)

Unfortunately, somewhere near our finishing of food, one of the F4 members decided to pull out from the trip. This immediately caused the tension to arise once again. I seriously am not used to F4 being so serious and unhappy! They've always been the cheery beans, but today, when I see them unhappy, I got affected too! I agree emotions are weird stuff that can change faster then the unpredictable weathers. I just wish for F4 to be back happy and cheery again! This is Bella's wish for the night! *Nights to all*

Shopping rush!!

Yeap I went back to work today and nothing very special...It was just plain working through out the day. Only happy thing was that I got to meet Dar Dar for lunchie again!!!I found out today that my next job was no longer going to be in Raffles area...I will be grounded at Alexandra area at a place called Com Tech Centre!!!Argh....someone save me please!!It's like so far and out of the way from my home! And this also mean I can no longer go to work nor meet Dar Dar for lunchie!!!*Crys* Do you know how saddening and depressing it is to me??^WaWa^

Haiz anyway...I did some OT tonight. But I had to rush to buy pressie for my mum also coz her bday is this coming Friday. Dar Dar was especially sweet to wait for me to off work so that we can go buy my mummy's pressie together! I worked till around 830pm before going home. In this way we can take a cab back after buying pressie!!hehex...

We took a train to Bugis coz that's the nearest shopping centre with a departmental store. We decided to buy cosmetics for my mum since she was saying she wanted to buy some yesterday. Her fav brand is Shisedo since I started to know what cosmetics are..laughs! So we headed to the Shisedo counter and finally bought a compact (with the case), a lipstick and a nail polish for her! Not sure if she'll like the colors but anyway checked with the salesgirl and she say we're allowed to change the color within a week's time! That sounds more easing on my mind. haha...at least I need not worry that much if Mummy doesn't like the colors.

(Pressie for Mummy!)

Dar Dar and me then went to have our dinner. By then our stomach were already growling and as it was raining outside, I suggested we stick to the food court inside. I ordered the Korean BiBimBab (hotstone rice kind of thing..lol) while Dar Dar ordered Korean chicken hotplate with rice. It was my first attempt trying BiBimbab and I must say I kind of like it! hehe...After dinner I even requested Dar Dar to treat me to some ice cream!! I had initially wanted to order Raspberry sorbet (one of my all time fav), but not wanting to leave Dar Dar out, we order his fav fruity Mango Alfondo instead! It was nice anyway and we both enjoyed it!

(At the food junction)



(Dar Dar's chicken hotplate and my Bibimbab!)



(Mango Alfondo!!^Yum Yum^)

Finishing the ice cream also mean time to go home for us! The queue at the Taxi stand was really scary and we called for a cab instead. I slept on the cab as usual since Dar Dar's shoulder was around for me to sleep on. Time seem to pass so fast in the cab as I slept on Dar Dar's shoulder...I only wish I could sleep longer! Anyway...Dar Dar's gonna chase me to go to bed to sleep soon! I better go brush my teeth and prepare to go to bed like an obedient little girl now! *Tataz*

Sleepy mode...

Hmm...first of all Bella wants to thank all of you who have shown concern and given wishes for me to get well soon! Deeply appreciated! heex..

Anyways...I've been resting at home for the entire day today, though I did woke up slightly earlier to finish up some work in order to email it to my senior before noon time. However, I did reward myself with ample sleep after that. Since it was raining this afternoon, for the few rare times, I was able to sleep without turning my aircon on but just with my fan. I slept all the way till around 4pm before waking up to get some food for the day. Not much food found but just some green beans-barley soup. Daddy was home when I woke up and we watched TV together downstairs in the living room. What a nice blessing to be able to watch TV at home in a raining day in the afternoon! I didn't even want to have my PC or handphone with me so I left everything in my room. After Daddy went out, it was mask time and watching TV again. All in all...nothing special today! Just resting...

As for yesterday, yep I was feeling pain in my lower right back and the pain was really quite bad. So much so that I could not even turn my body or bend my body without experiencing pain my back. However, as yesterday was the first day of the new job engagement, I decided to just try to bear with the pain and last through the day. Dar Dar came over to Tanjong Pagar to have lunchie with me at one of his fav cze char eatery. He had his fav Mongolia chicken cube rice while I had my Xin Zhou Mee Fen (one of my all time fav as well!). It was drizzling and in the cool weather we ordered a mixed vegetable soup to warm us too! I really love having lunchie with Dar Dar! It's just like a break for me in the long work day...a break away from the stress to be able to see Dar Dar and have a hug for each other to comfort and enable each other to leave to work with a recharged soul.

(Yep this is the place/menu of the cze char store we went!)



(Dar Dar and me while waiting for our food!)



(Our food after like half an hour of waiting!)



(Oh and the soup that was taken after eating half of it..*laughs*)

At evening time, by the time I left the client place to see doctor, the clinic nearby was already closed. Dar Dar eventually went to Bugis Raffles Hospital with me to visit the family clinic there! We then joined F3 for steamboat after all the waiting at the clinic. A nice dinner indeed, but too bad no pics! forgot to take any...hahax...After the steamboat dinner we headed home straight away. Gavin (one of the F4 members) sent all of us home. I fell deep asleep once again...as I lean on Dar Dar shoulders and slept through out the whole ride! What a nice nap I had!

(The raining weather..taken while waiting for Dar Dar to off work)

Tomorrow gotta work again. Just hope work's gonna be smooth for me as I'm kinda still recuperating. Pray hard that my body will be able to tune into the momentum to work and that my emotions will not turn worse (coz you know how one's emotion can get really bad when you're feeling all the pain and discomfort). Anyways...hope all of u guys are going through a nice week so far! Take care! =)