Who am I? How am I like? Am I really not doing enough? Or rather am I really doing too little? I haven been blogging for the past few days coz I know I needed to think more...more issues have to be solved within me...and around me.
Friday was supposed to be my last day at an audit engagement interims, but it also happened to be my mum's birthday. Through out that whole day, I really rushed like mad to clear my allocated work...but only to find my senior giving me more and more work, moreover giving me an impression that I have to finish it before I leave. I would dare to say after much reflection that I did allocate and planned my work to ensure that I can finish my allocated stuff on time before I pulled out from my interims work, but how can she just keep adding new things and yet make it seem like it's so reasonable to hand it in on time? I kept quiet though I was brewing deep within me. My limit was extended further when even filing a piece of paper and photocopying a piece of document was pushed to me when I was in the midst of rushing the added work from her. I know I have to do it coz she's my senior..but is opening the file that is just right in front of her to file in a piece of paper so hard (esp when I've already punched holes for it, ref-ed it and even stick reinforcement rings on it)? I took it over silently and beared with all these nitty gritty things that was so within her ability to do.
(The sunny weather on Friday and Dar Dar cheered my day for me to move on)
Especially the end of the day, when I admit that I got anxious coz I know my mum is the type who really thinks her birthday is the biggest event of the world and I had to be there. And my senior came off with a statement and say "Why not you just go. Anyway I don't think you can do anything like this!" I flared up in me. What sarcasm! And she made it sound so great that it's so my fault that I can't finish my work. I hid everything inside of me and called my next engagement senior asking if I could start my job on Tuesday instead. He agreed and I then told my senior that I'll be back on Monday to clear everything. With all these pressure going on, imagine my Dad and Brother calling me asking if I'm on my way. If only the whole world can stop rushing me, it would help so much!
I met up with Dar Dar and we took a train together down to where my family agreed to celebrate my mum's birthday at. In the train, thoughts ran in my mind asking why I have to slog so hard and let my mum or even my senior take it so for granted that I owed them everything I have fought so hard to give. When we reached YCK MRT station, I walked to the seats at the MRT station instead of heading to the restaurant immediately, simply coz I know I can't hold back anymore. I broke down there and then in public, in an MRT station. Dar Dar just sat beside me in silence while I cried and cried. I could no longer hold back all the stress in me though I have been holding back for quite some time. In the end, we walked to the restaurant after another call from my Mum asking if we're reaching. I reached there with my sore and red eyes. I drank quite a bit that night, didn't eat much. Dar Dar spent the night with me. Though he is always silent and never give much comforting words, I guess it's the best I can get. At times I get angry coz girls always need comfort from the one they love but for me, I don't get much of comforting words. So I will tell myself at least I have his shoulder and hug to rely on. I know I have to try my best to be understanding coz I know he just isn't used to saying comforting words. I just hope he tries, like how he tries to comfort his friends at times.
(The dishes ordered for the night)
(My personal wine collection. Dar didn't drink much, here's the comparison after I down more than half a bottle of it after some beer in the restaurant)
We slept til late into Saturday before we headed to Vivocity for the movie "The Leap Years". I know we watched it much later coz the leap year has already passed us about half a month ago. But nevertheless, I'm glad I managed to watch it. I cried a lot in the cinema. After the movies, Dar Dar and me went to meet Dar Dar's Daddy for dinner. It's been so long since we had Dinner together. I enjoyed the dinner though the thoughts of the opening lines continued to show up in my mind. I just didn't say much about it to Dar Dar. After all, he might feel helpless if I do say to him coz then he wouldn't know what to say also.
(Waiting for train to come...)
("The Leap Years" Movie_a must watch!)
(At the restaurant)
I spent the whole Sunday today at home. Not feeling v good coz my backache is back, am having slight fever and my abdominal is giving me cramps too. Just keeping my fingers crossed that I'll recover and be able to finish up all my work before I pull out tomorrow. Pray hard for me.
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